While walking in to my local polling station today to cast my ballot in the primary election, I came to a realization. The Democrats being represented by a donkey and the Republicans by an elephant are no longer accurate portrayals of the parties. They both need new mascots. Here's my proposal:
The Democrats have become the party of pussies. Democrats won far and wide in 2008, because we the people wanted liberal change. They won by large margins because us, the wide majority, wanted things to move back to the left. Not just back to the center, but to the FAR LEFT. Then a small but vocal minority started yelling and screaming and they chickened out. Instead of "lets do what we need to do" it became "lets try to make the other side happy, too." Now they have accomplished NOTHING. They proved themselves to be a bunch of PUSSIES! So I propose that the new mascot for the Democratic party be a vagina!
If the Democrats have become the party of pussies, the Republicans are a party of dicks. All they want to do is fuck the Democrats. They'll fuck the Democrats over health reform, they'll fuck them over civil liberties, they'll fuck them over financial reform, the list goes on and on. It's only appropriate that the new mascot for the Republican party be a man's phallic member.
As I wrote this, I tried to find some pictures to attach. Not photos, nothing of a pornographic nature. I just wanted some simple black-and-white line drawings, like I remember from the health book back in high school. No luck. Even with safe-search turned on, everything I found was too detailed or graphic for this purpose. Sorry, folks, words only here.
That aside... Has anyone else wondered if the "tea baggers" know that "tea bagging" is when a male stripper bangs his scrotum up against the forehead of a patron? The term was coined by John Watters in the 1990's for his movie "Pecker."